i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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