:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
