I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
