May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
