what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
