He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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