At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
