dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My ATM looks so different sober.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
