every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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