none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
