You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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