this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
