Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
