I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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