she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
