i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
