In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
