The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
