At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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