Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
