No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
