i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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