So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
