im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We were destined to go to rehab together
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
