I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
