I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
