i think my mom watched the whole time
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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