if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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