I would go down on you faster than GM stock
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
