chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
