Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
