I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
