sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
