Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
