Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i think i have two assholes
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
