Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
