Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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