It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
