That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
