I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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