I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
this is an emotional support booty call
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
