That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
