My brain says no but my pants say off.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
