So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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