Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
