she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
