i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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