he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
