I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
