hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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