You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
