I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
