I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
