Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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