Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
